I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
