So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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