I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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