Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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