Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
