im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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