I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize