she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
In America we eat man semen.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
