This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
