he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
