Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
