you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
