okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
