Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
