would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
