i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
