oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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