the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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