you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
