She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
