4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
