My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
