so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
