Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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