note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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