i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
