He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i will never coherently bang her
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
