I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
