I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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