Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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