i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
