$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
