I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
