The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
