dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
