I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
