No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
