he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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