sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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