you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
my poor anus
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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