This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
