dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This is my gift to your gina
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
