dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
