Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
