Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
