things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Randomize
