Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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