If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
