I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
