He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
