still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
