my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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