I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
