So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
