shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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