Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
